Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
