Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
only you would photoshop your dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
