Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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