Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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