Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
