I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize