i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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