So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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