you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
