just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
