fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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