I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize