So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
