I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
