he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
