you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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