Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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