It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
