wat bout pragnant strippers??
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
