since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
