dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
