I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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