When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
