If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
