We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
