he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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