So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
