3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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