you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
