This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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