look no pants
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You smell like stripper and shame
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
