just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
