i love accidental penises.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize