planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
