I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
