I think my fart just growled at me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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