Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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