Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
