The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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