Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
