dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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