Pappa wants mamma naked
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
