I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
