He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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