I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
