I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
