you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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