these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my sisters under your porch take her home
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
