Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
