My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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