I look better un-naked...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
