and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
