dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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