Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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