Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
