Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My pussy is not your playground.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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