p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize