everyone is single if you try hard enough
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
