oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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