Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
