dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
