I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
