There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
