you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize