I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
