Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
