There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
