even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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