I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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