i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
