i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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