i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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