he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
