I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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