is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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