its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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