then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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