I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
