He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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