I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
