your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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