YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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