I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
