Don't make out with my wife yet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
