you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize