I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
