I want to make a zoo with you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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